The time will come where sympathy from any of your friends or family cannot comfort you.
You will be lost.
Have you thought of burying yourself, lock up in your room or go far far away from the city and you want to be alone? Then people will start messaging you, like ‘hey!’ and million times.
You just cannot answer them. You just cannot give an exact explanation on why did you try to hide in the very corner of your room like a cave man.
I have a dream and I want to fulfill it yet I think like heaven did not want it. It was greed. It was envy. I greed hoping that I give the whole me to get what I want. It was not enough. Or maybe, I am not enough.
The thought of you reminds me that I suck for real. Your happiness concludes that I cannot be at my very best. I tried helping myself by bringing inner peace yet every time you pop up to my head I just feel that I am such a big loser. No, I have no grudge or bad feelings for you it is just that it reflects. The reflection I don’t want to see. the reflection I cannot ignore.
The thing is that, I want to give my everything because this is what I want. The times I want to impress came up to be a depression. As much as I aim high, there will be reasons that brings you down.
It was the most depressing idea. The time I want to enjoy it, it became toxic. It was like a rope that will hang you to death. I felt like I was crossing a tight rope. My friends drifted away. They became the ghosts I don’t want to see.
Depression is not easy.
People will misunderstand you. Thinking that a simple ‘okay’ is enough for you to smile. The comfort we need is hard to give. You may think we are on a suicidal stage but as much I want to live my life to the fullest, I try not to do it again.
And as much as I want to stay stronger, I want to be positive by not thinking of this all over again.
I want to live my dream without me dying in toxic.
I want to be found.