I once believed
That a star can be outshined by a stone.
And so I let go
Of the brightest one I know
Whom I admired, hoped, and longed for.
I was told
That you are a bamboo.
The fragrance of truth never affects you.
Tall and straight;
But never can withstand the burn.
I was advised
That you show no endeavor,
A little attempt is all you can afford for.
A little is enough;
And too much is extravagant.
Never did I questioned;
Never did I doubt;
Instead I trust, hope, and hold on to;
When a plant that’s been withered
Can still be fertile when watered.
It was bliss in a moment
But a moment has gone past.
You who have pulled me
In my own pain and loneliness
Has also break me into pieces.
I was taught
That understanding means forgiveness;
And forgiveness is serenity.
Yet I was questioned
Of how far shall I plan to bear it all on my own?
It was foolish
That I can fight my own blood and soul
Just so I can keep the water.
I could tire myself writing letters
Of how I felt from the very moment you enter.
It was heartbreaking
That when I asked for a little affection;
A little piece of your time and effort;
It bleed deeply on me
Asking was too much for your ego and tea.
And until now I keep insisting
That you will change; you are still growing
But only faults are on the run
In the end, no apology has ever been done.
You always say
That it’s me who created the mess
So I should stop and made a fool of myself
I doubt it was me
For I speak the feelings that I wanted to set free.
I was naïve
That I disregarded my own belief and conscience
Just so I could be with you;
I simply ignored what others say
But you will never do the same.
So I was told
That a guy will be a man
Only if he sees your worth; seize your worth;
A man will be a real man;
If pride will no longer be of hindrance in love.
And so I listened
That love is not love
When we think of it as responsibility instead of commitment.
When the love becomes burden
It breaks into silence; torn into pieces.
I cried enough
That for once I become alive and happy
Yet I can’t fathom and continue believing;
If from the start
The weight of love will always be on me.
Still a stone is a stone.
Hard, dull, and daunting.
A bamboo that is strong and unyielding.
But never did have any difference
To a coward who runs in midst of trouble and disagreement.